


Can't Go Home Alone Again [Need Someone to Numb the Pain]

by devious-sex-monster (darkotter)



Category: Free!
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Blood, Character Death, Death, Loss of loved ones, M/M, No seriously this is really fucking angsty, Rimming, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Super Angst, porn with (some) plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-25
Updated: 2015-03-25
Packaged: 2018-03-19 15:21:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3614793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkotter/pseuds/devious-sex-monster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three days have past since it has happened and Haru finds himself in a bar, forgetting how many drinks he's had.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can't Go Home Alone Again [Need Someone to Numb the Pain]

**Author's Note:**

> I like angst. It's like one of my favorite things. I also like maybeillride, who got me to love SouHaru. I also like using song lyrics as titles for my fics because I suck at thinking up titles. Definitely seat in the special hell for this fic. Fosho. It didn't come out quite as angsty as it was in my head (well, how I wrote it I guess?), but still pretty damn angsty. If you didn't read the tags, be warned (especially for TW): Suicide, suicidal thoughts, depression. 
> 
> Inspired by: Habits by Tove Lo, Dark Paradise by Lana Del Rey, and Glory and Gore by Lorde. (I draw a lot of fic inspo from songs. Fight me.)

He couldn't focus on anything. Not his own thoughts - potentially good, not his surroundings - potentially bad, nor the amount of drinks he had had - potentially dangerous. This may have been because of the three shots he had downed; maybe it was the black fog that had infected his mind since it had happened; maybe it was the press of bodies and the club itself.

He didn't care, one way or another. He relished in the lack of coherent thought because he couldn't cling onto painful memories or the dark thoughts dragging down on him.

Haruka downed the rest of the drink he had been nursing for the past ten minutes in one swallow, shuddering at the burn of bourbon as it traveled down his throat. It felt bad, so bad, but also so  _good_. He was sure it had been mixed with… something, but he didn't have the energy or mental capacity to remember. Part of him, that tiny bit of logical mind that hadn't yet circumed to the alcohol, told him that that was incredibly dangerous, that he could make himself very sick, or worse.  _What's worse than this, though?_  He pushed that bit of his brain away as he pushed his empty glass back to the bartender.

The dark-haired man swiveled in his chair so he could take in the mass of bodies in the club. Ever so often the bright, colored flashes of light would cut through the smoke that was clouding his mind. In those instances he could make out faces here and there in the din. A pretty face with rose colored eyes and long blonde hair. A flash of blue eyes and silver hair. A tall man with a pair of broad shoulders.

…A pair of broad shoulders?

Haruka straightened in his chair and squinted through the dim haze. He had lost track of him, the man with the broad shoulders, those shoulders that were so  _familiar_  it  _hurt_. His hand jumped unconsciously to the ring hanging around his neck and gripped it hard. His eyes raced through the crowd, ignoring the spin of his vision as he turned his head.

There,  _there!_  The man had come closer to the bar.

He had to grip the counter hard as his head spun and his heart raced. He stared, unable to tear his gaze away until the tall man turned and caught his eye. A jet eyebrow raised minutely, and Haruka had to spin back around to face the bar. Ordered another drink. He shouldn't, he really shouldn't… but… but… the man had the same strong build, he had the same drooping eyes.

He took a liberal gulp of the drink the bartender set in front of him before forcing air into his lungs. Those glittering teal orbs had cut through the low light, piercing him through, seeing right through him.  _Teal. Teal. Not green. Not_ _ **green.**_ _It's not_ _ **him**_ _._ But they looked so much alike and Haruka squeezed his eyes shut tight.

"Can I get you another drink?"

Haruka's eyes flashed open and he turned to find that the man had sidled up to him. He leaned against the bar and was so focused on him that Haru wanted to turn away. He couldn't, frozen in place by those piercing eyes. He simply gazed up at the man, lips parted in a small 'o' that he wasn't aware of making. Had he gasped? He hoped he hadn't.

The teal-eyed man didn't wait for a response but ordered him another drink with a simple wave of his hand at the bartender. Haruka looked down and found, to his surprise, that he had already finished his previous drink without realizing it. He stared at it, swallowing hard. Not for the first time that night, he wondered how many drinks he had.

"Can I help you?" Haruka asked. His voice was hoarse, his words slurred. Squinting his eyes he forced himself to focus on the man before him.

"You look lonely," the man said.

He was probably Haruka's age, if he was judging correctly. Maybe a couple years older, maybe a couple years younger. "I'm fine," he replied and took a swig of the newest drink. His head spun and he shuddered at the burn to his already raw throat.

"Someone drinking this much, alone, isn't usually fine." The man's voice had dropped, so that only Haruka could hear him. It was intimate, the way he leaned closer to him. Haruka could feel his warm breath ghost across his cheek, but he didn't have it in him to pull away. "I'm Sousuke."

"...Haru," he replied, looking up into the man's face.

 

_"_ _Haruka?"_

_"_ _Just 'Haru'."_

_"_ _Haru-chan" He was smiling at him, that kind, gentle smile like the sun. Haru had to turn his head to the side, cheeks lightly dusted with pink._

_"_ _Drop the -chan."_

_"_ _It goes with your name."_

_He huffed softly and sent a glare over to the other boy. "Mako-chan, then."_

_"_ _That's fine with me… I like it when Haru-chan says my name like that."_

 

"Well, Haru," Sousuke said, leaning just a little bit closer so they were eye level with each other.  _He's the same height._ And it wasn't fair. How was he supposed to move on – this is what that was supposed to be, him moving on, with the aid of alcohol of course – when he was presented with someone who looked so damn similar? The smaller bit at his lips, eyes flickering down at the dirty floor.

And then he was seized with the strong urge to  _pretend_. It wasn't healthy, it wasn't right, it wasn't  _fair_ , but if he closed his eyes, he could just pretend that Sousuke was someone else.

"You look lonely," Sousuke said again.

His mouth moved without consent as he said, "I am."

"Want some company?"

"No."

Sousuke frowned, bright teal eyes narrowing. Then he simply rolled his shoulder and stepped back. "Your choice," he said and turned, obviously intending to leave him alone once more. No doubt to find someone else. Lost cause, if he didn't want someone close.

_No wait that's not what I meant to say_. Haruka's eyes widened.  _I don't want to go home alone. Not again. Not now._  Moving without thinking, he leaned forward and grabbed a hold of Sousuke's belt loop. "Wait."

The tall man turned his attention back on him. Haruka was too drunk to find this situation embarrassing. It wasn't like it was uncommon to come here for pickups. He had to remind himself that that was one of the reasons he had come here in the first place, besides the booze.  _I want to forget his touch…_ There was no question as to what he  _needed_. So he kept a secure hold on the man's belt loop, just to make sure he wouldn't leave.

He pulled him closer and Sousuke allowed it, a small smirk crossing his lips. The look was so unlike  _him_  that a little of the pressure on his chest lightened, but only for a moment, because he had set one strong hand on Haruka's side. Haruka shuddered, eyes half lidded. Sousuke leaned in closer to speak in his ear. "Want to spend a little time together? Somewhere more private?"

It was such a clichéd line that if he wasn't so drunk, if he wasn't so  _sad,_ he would've laughed, snorted, pushed the man away and said no thanks, think of something new to say. How many movies had that been used in? How many books? Instead, Haruka simply nodded and finished his drink before getting to his feet. He swayed as he stood, stumbling, and found himself leaning against the strong body of Sousuke and a muscled arm around his waist. He stepped closer and allowed Sousuke to lead him from the club without a second's thought, focusing only on the tall, strong warmth pressed close.

This was a bad idea, he knew that. Sousuke might simply want to fuck, there were people like that. Or he could be someone worse. He could end up in the gutter somewhere, bleeding out onto the pavement with his wallet gone. Maybe an organ or two. Not that he had much in the way of valuable on him, but it had happened to plenty of people, in a city like this.  _But would it matter?_ he mused.  _Let someone else do the hard work… then I could… I could see… him._

Sousuke was speaking to him, and it took him several long moments of staring at the man to realize it. Sousuke didn't seem all that annoyed, and simply repeated himself. "Your place or mine?"

Haruka shook his head violently as Sousuke said 'your place'. "Yours. Let's go to yours. Yours." He tried to swallow down the wave of panic and black smoke that was threatening to consume him at the thought of going  _home._

 

_"_ _Hey, Haru, I was thinking…"_

_"_ _What?" Haru lowered his book slightly so that he could look at his boyfriend above it. Makoto was shifting nervously where he sat on the couch._

_"_ _I was thinking we should, you know… move in together?"_

_Haru's eyes widened and he quickly moved the book to cover his face to try and hide his red cheeks. "..."_

_"_ _Haru, are you blushing?"_

_"_ _Shut up… we can move in together."_

_"_ _That makes me very happy, Haru-chan." He didn't have the heart to tell him to knock off the –chan, Makoto's smile was much too blinding._

 

"My place, then. Not far," Sousuke said as they stepped out of the club and into the downpour that had not been present on Haruka's arrival. The arm around his waist tightened and he was quickly guided to the curb. He was soaked through in the two minutes it took for Sousuke to flag down a cab.

The taxi they caught was hot and uncomfortable and the windows fogged up with humidity as their clothes dried. But Haruka didn't much notice this, not with Sousuke's lips against his neck, abusing the pale flesh there with his teeth and tongue. Blue eyes closed in pleasure and he grabbed onto Sousuke's overshirt, letting out soft gasps as the man sucked at his pulse.

By the time they had reached their destination, Haruka had slid his hand up the back of Sousuke's shirt and was whimpering with every bite that the other man left on his skin. They stumbled from the cab, Sousuke throwing a number of bills at the cabby, and, without waiting for change, dragged the smaller towards a tall apartment complex.

They broke apart to get through the doors, and into the elevator. Once the doors had slid closed, though, Haruka pushed himself against Sousuke's body. He reached up and tangled his fingers in the man's hair, tugging him down for a kiss.

He whined and gasped as Sousuke sucked at his lower lip, licking his way into Haruka's mouth. He had grabbed one of his slender wrists and pinned it hard against the wall of the elevator. Pain shot through the smaller man's body as Sousuke's grip on his wrist tightened, but it felt  _so good_. His mind was pleasantly numb and spinning and he didn't even notice the elevator doors sliding open.

Sousuke didn't break away, didn't let Haruka breathe, only pulling him closer before exiting the elevator. He gasped against the man's lips, breathing in as much air as he could in the short time before their lips crushed back together. Haruka's feet only touched the ground with every couple of Sousuke's steps, he was practically being carried to the apartment. That was okay. He didn't know if his legs would cooperate correctly anyway, especially walking backwards.

Giving up on walking all together, Haruka wrapped his legs around Sousuke waist, allowing the other man to fumble with his key without having to let go. He mouthed at his neck, biting down as the door to the apartment swung open and they stumbled inside. He just caught the choked gasp that escaped Sousuke when he did so.

"Clothes...off," Sousuke grunted as Haruka gave his jaw another nip, sucking at the sensitive flesh. "You're shivering."

Haru pulled back enough to look at Sousuke, blinking several times. He  _was_  shivering. Violently. His clothes clung to his body like a wet, sheet-of-ice second skin and he let his legs fall from Sousuke's waist. He nearly fell when he extended his freezing legs and his knees locked. Sousuke steadied him. The teal-eyed man seemed to be in a similar state, water dripping into his eyes as he held the smaller up with ease.

He stepped forward and grabbed the larger man's shirt, tugging it up. Sousuke helped him pull it off, tossing it aside to fall onto the tile with a wet thud. He wrapped his arm around the smaller man again and picked him up. Haru's legs went around his waist once more, and this was how his legs should be, bent and locked, not standing, not when he could no longer stand. They kissed. Hot, aggressive, sloppy. They broke it only to tug Haruka's shirt over his head.

The blue-eyed man moaned loudly as Sousuke sucked on his tongue, feeling the man's hands on his ass and lower back. He sucked in a deep gasp of air as they broke the kiss. They were in the bedroom now. Too drunk, too turned on, too focused on the man holding him close, he hadn't noticed. And then Sousuke was nudging at his legs, forcing him to let go and when he did, he was tossed back onto the bed.

The world spun rather violently and he let out a startled gasp as he tumbled back onto the mattress. He looked up to see the larger man coming towards him, having already fought and won the battle of getting out of his pants. All he was left with was tight and damp boxer briefs, and Haruka could see the perfect outline of his cock.

 

_"_ _A-are you okay with this?"_

_"_ _Shut up and come over here, Makoto," Haruka said, voice low. Makoto flushed but slowly crawled up the bed anyway, to where the dark-haired man was settled on his back._

_"_ _But…" Makoto's voice trembled. Haru grabbed his face and silenced him with a fierce kiss._

_"_ _I want it," Haruka breathed as he broke the kiss, moving to his jaw. "You want this –"_ _**kiss** _ _" – undress me." Another kiss, under Makoto's ear. He closed his lips around the lobe of his ear and sucked, causing the brunet to keen softly._

_He gripped Haru's pants, fumbling with the zipper. The blue-eyed man took pity on him and undid the button and zipper before going back to kissing Makoto's neck. He lifted his hips, allowing his lover to drag his jeans off his hips._

 

His jeans clung to his legs and he had to have Sousuke help them peel them off his legs.  _Like a snake shedding its skin_ , Haru mused as he shuddered. The apartment was warm, pleasantly warm, and without the cold, wet clothes, he was already warming up. His intense chills had calmed and he could feel his legs. At least a little.

Sousuke climbed over him. "Damn," he groaned hoarsely. "You're hot." He rubbed Haru's legs with his hands, massaging heat and blood back into the slender appendages. Haruka ran his cold fingers up Sousuke's well-muscled chest, relishing in the feeling.

 

_"_ _A-ah, Haru, don't_ _**do** _ _that!" Makoto gasped out as Haru's fingers caressed his nipples, pinching them. It was one of his favorite things to do, Makoto was so sensitive there. The dark-haired man gave a small smile._

_"_ _You're so hot, Makoto," he murmured, leaning up to press his lips against Makoto's chest._

_He missed the crimson blush that was now coloring Makoto's face._

 

"Fuck," Sousuke groaned as Haruka scratched up his broad back, leaving red scores across the tanned skin. He rutted against the smaller, dragging out a soft whimper from the ocean-eyed man. "Still too much clothes."

He practically ripped off Haruka's briefs, causing him to let out a surprised yelp as the fabric caught on his flushed dick. "R-rough," he panted out. His head spun and he kept his eyes closed for a very long moment before opening them to stare up at Sousuke.

He wanted this to be  _different_. Not  _him_. Because it wasn't him, it would never be him, he'd never be back. Sousuke pulled back to look down at him.

"I want it rough," he breathed, squeezing down on the man's biceps, hard, hard enough to leave small crescent shapes in his skin from his nails. Sousuke let out a soft growl, more like an animal than a man, and gave a jerky nod. Before Haruka could collect his thoughts, he was being turned onto his stomach by a pair of strong, demanding hands. He let out a soft whine at being manhandled.

 

_"_ _I want to try something different."_

_"_ _What is it?"_

_"_ _I want… you to be rough with me," Haru said as he gazed at the window, a dull blush coloring his cheeks. Makoto was silent for a long moment._

_"_ _I...I can't do that, Haru. You should know that," he replied, sheepish and nervous. Haru simply nodded. He understood._

 

"Oh  _fuck_ ," Haruka gasped out into the blankets as Sousuke pulled his hips closer, the sensation of warm breathe dancing across his bare skin. He spread his ass cheeks, exposing Haruka's twitching hole before blowing gently on it. Haruka jumped forward slightly, until he felt the flat of Sousuke's tongue press hard against the sensitive ring of muscles and he practically yelped.

The larger man's hands had slid to his thighs, gripping and kneading his muscles hard enough to leave marks. At least he hoped it was hard enough to leave marks. Marks that would last, that he could press against and  _remember_ this.

Sousuke had successfully locked the smaller in place. He went back to his previous activities, pressing his tongue into Haruka's hole. The thick muscle in him stretched him gently, slick and hot.

The smaller man let out a loud cry, scrabbling to grip at the blankets. It was almost too much and his head was spinning like a hurricane. He tried to pull away from Sousuke and the near-overwhelming stimulation - Sousuke had moved down to fondle his balls with his mouth, his cock with his fingers, before licking back up to his entrance. He tugged his hips a couple centimeters from Sousuke, and for a few brief seconds he could think clearly, the tongue fucking him having been pulled away. The light caresses of fingers still pressed to his cock. And then he was dragged back violently by the hands on his thighs.

He let out a choked sob as fingers joined the tongue. Large fingers opening him, spreading him. Finally, thankfully, Sousuke withdrew his tongue and sat back. Fingers still buried up to the knuckle in Haruka's ass, he slid his free hand back around his hips. A light, teasing touch to his cock made him jump, forcing Sousuke's fingers even deeper.  _But it's not enough._

Haruka didn't know what he was doing with that hand. Sousuke rubbed circles into one of his cheeks, pulling his fingers free of the dry heat. The painful drag caused the smaller man to whine, a strong shudder wracking his body. He gasped for breathe, bucking his hips up towards Sousuke. He wanted more, needed more, needed the man's fingers deep inside him, thrusting in deep and mercilessly. He didn't have to wait long, because soon he felt cool, thick liquid against his entrance and those large fingers were once again buried inside him. He gasped and moaned, rocking back. He could cum from just this, if Sousuke kept it up. The heat that was gathering in his belly was making his head spin.

And then Sousuke's large hand came down hard against his ass and Haruka nearly screamed. His thighs were shaking violently and precum was drippling liberally out of the tip of his cock. If Sousuke did that again, he would undoubtedly cum then and there.

"You like that?"

"Y-yes," Haruka sobbed out, pressing his face against the bed, gasping and moaning as Sousuke continued to work his hole with his fingers.

"Want me to do it again?" Sousuke's voice was hoarse, low. Haruka  _needed_  it again. Needed that sharp pain against his sensitive skin. He needed  _more_  inside him, stretching until he was past his limit.

As Sousuke crooked his fingers deep inside, he brought his other hand down against Haurka's ass once more. The smaller man screamed, back arching as he came hard. Sousuke finger-fucked him through it, giving him a few more spanks for good measure, until he had sagged down onto the bed shuddering and shivering.

He only had a moment's rest until Sousuke was pulling him up and against his body. Haruka's eyes fluttered open at the feeling of his erection pressed against his ass and rotated his hips down. Sousuke groaned softly and grabbed ahold of his jaw, forcing his head back.

"I'm going to fuck you until you can't think," the teal-eyed man whispered in his ear. Haruka let out a loud whine, trying to nod with the hold that Sousuke had on his chin. He spread his legs wide and thrust in.

 

_"_ _Are you okay, Makoto?" Haru asked, staring intently at his boyfriend. The brunet had been gazing dazedly out the window for the past ten minutes. Makoto jumped and looked around, looking at him. He smiled sheepishly and scratched the back of his head._

_"_ _Sorry, Haru. Spacing out," he mumbled and pushed hair from his face._

_The dark haired man frowned, eyeing him carefully._

 

Sousuke bit at the back of his neck hard, fucking up into him. Haruka couldn't do anything, couldn't respond, but with his loud moans and cries as he continued to abuse his hole with his heavy cock. So he let the other man move him, control their speed. And it was  _wonderful_. His body felt almost numb, the pleasure inside him was building again and he knew that he was growing hard again.

The larger man grunted softly as he twitched. "I like that," he breathed in his ear. "Do it again." Haruka simply whimpered.

"Come on, lover," Sousuke said, biting at his neck again. "I know you can." He raised the hand holding Haruka's thigh wide and brought it down hard onto the sensitive skin of his inner leg,  _so close_ to his cock and the place where Sousuke was being swallowed up.

A strong shudder wracked Haruka as he let out a loud cry, entire body tensing. That was obviously what Sousuke had been waiting for, because he did it again, driving up into him harder and faster as he did so.

Tears were rolling down Haruka's cheeks, clinging to his eyelashes and falling into his mouth. Too much, it was too much, he was going to pass out, it felt too good and hurt too bad he was going to pass out with Sousuke still deep inside him.

His vision blacked out. He couldn't feel anything but darkness and pleasure and Sousuke's cock in-out, in-out. And he was cumming again, loud and unrestrained as the larger man thrust deep inside and came as well, filling him up.

 

_"_ _Something's wrong," Haru said, crossing his arms in front of Makoto._

_"_ _Nothing's wrong," Makoto replied, although his smile wasn't what it used to be. He was thinner than he used to be…He still had his muscle, he still had that handsome face and those broad shoulders, but there were dark circles around his eyes and if he tried, Haru could feel Makoto's ribs. That wasn't right, not at all. And he knew that something was wrong, but Makoto wouldn't tell him._

_"_ _Yes," Haru said stubbornly._

_"_ _No," Makoto said. "I'm fine. Really. Just tired. Don't worry about me, Haru-chan."_

 

Sousuke had lit a cigarette and was blowing smoke slowly into the air as they lay next to each other. Haruka was dizzy and felt a little sick. His hips were sore, numb really, and he shivered as the sweat and cum cooled on his skin. Without a word, the larger man pulled the sheet up over him.

He hummed and offered the cigarette to the smaller. Haruka stared at it, at the small burning tip and watched the smoke curl up into the air. Then he plucked it from Sousuke's fingers and took a deep drag. It hurt and he coughed, handing it back. His eyes watered and he rolled to his side so that he wouldn't have to watch Sousuke breathe in the smoke.

"What's with the ring?" Sousuke asked after he had finished his cigarette. Haruka hadn't turned around yet, still staring blankly across the bedroom at the wall. Sousuke had a small fishtank over in the corner on the dresser. The light glowed gently in the dark bedroom, and he followed the path of the fish with his eyes.

"What."

"The ring around your neck. You married or something?" The bed creaked; Sousuke had moved. His fingers started running through Haruka's hair. "I mean, it's all your issues, not mind if you want to cheat, but still."

Haruka pulled himself away from Sousuke's fingers and sat up. He looked at the man stretched out beside him, hand under his head. "No," he said, dull and emotionless.

"No?"

"He died."

Sousuke fell very silent. He lit another cigarette, staring off into space before looking at the ocean-eyed man. "Ah."

"Just happened."

"What happened?"

Haruka closed his eyes tightly, fisting the sheet even tighter.

 

_"_ _Makoto, I'm home," he called softly as he came into the house, kicking off his shoes in the foyer. He was tired, it had been a long day, and it was swelteringly hot outside. And inside, for that matter. When Makoto didn't answer back immediately he paused and listened. He smiled gently when he recognized the sound of the shower hissing in the other side of the house. His lover had the right idea, he was sure the shower felt wonderful in this hot weather._

_He caught sight of his cellphone on one of the shelves near the foyer and huffed softly. He used it so little that he always forgot to bring it with him half the time. He walked forward and grabbed it with his free hand, he hadn't let go of the groceries he was holding, and looked at it. He frowned._

_He had a voicemail. From Makoto._

_The brunet knew that he forgot his phone. And if he was at home, he would've heard it ring when he called. If anything there should just be a missed call. No point leaving a message for someone you live with, he figured._

_Haru lifted his phone to his ear and listened._

_'_ _**Haru, you know that I love you, right?** _ _' Makoto's voice was shaky, scared. He had never really heard him like this before. '_ _**And I tried. I tried to be strong, for you. For my parents. For the twins. But I just can't anymore. I'm too tired, too sad. I'm so sorry, Haru. I'm so sorry. But this way, I won't drag you down. You'll have your life back to yourself. I love you.** _ _'_

_The groceries fell from Haru's hand, crashing to the floor. He didn't care that the eggs had broken, or that the juice had burst open and was spilling out across the floor. His phone fell alongside the bags of food and he ran through the house to the bathroom._

_"_ _Makoto, no, please, no," he gasped out as he slammed his body into the wall, running much too fast in such a small house. He tried to open the bathroom door, and found it locked. "Makoto! Open the door! Please! Open it now!" In a frenzy, head spinning, he slammed himself hard against the bathroom door. He had tears in his eyes now, gasping._

_The door was cheap, just like the house. And finally the lock gave way and Haru tumbled into the room, nearly falling on his face when his foot slipped on the wet tile. He caught the counter so he wouldn't fall, and straightened._

_The bathroom was warm, it was_ _**hot** _ _, but it didn't touch him. His entire body was cold, frozen, turned to stone. A tingling had started in his fingers and toes, was slowly crawling up his legs and arms to his head. The hiss of the shower seemed to fade into the background._

_The shower curtain was only halfway closed. One strong arm and locks of wet, brown hair could be seen. The jagged cut, from wrist to elbow, burned itself in his mind. And all of a sudden he wasn't frozen anymore. He lurched forward, slipping again on the water –_ _**the blood** _ _– and collapsed down next to the tub._

_"_ _Makoto. Makoto. Makoto!" he cried out, forcing the shower curtain away. "No. Makoto, no. P-please, wake up."_

_He was in the tub now, with Makoto. He grabbed a hold of his shoulders and shook. Let out a loud cry and pressed his head to Makoto's chest._

_All he heard was silence._

 

"He just died," Haruka said coldly to Sousuke.

The man put his hands up. "Okay," he said.

Haruka stared at Sousuke for a moment longer and then swung his legs over the side of the bed and got up. He could walk straight, now. Sort of. His hips and lower back ached and he winced, but he didn't care.

"Hey, what're you doing?" Sousuke asked.

"Leaving," Haruka said as he pulled on his still-wet clothes. His pants stuck to his legs and he had to fight to pull them all the way up.

"You don't have to. It's pouring outside. You can stay here."

"I'm leaving," Haruka said again and left the bedroom. He heard footsteps behind him and Sousuke came jogging out, trying to catch him before he left the apartment. The larger man caught ahold of Haruka's thin arm.

"Wait."

"What do you want?"

"Where're you going?"

Haruka scowled up at Sousuke. "What does it matter to you?" he said in a low voice and ripped his arm away from him. Then he turned and ran from the apartment, slamming the front door shut with a loud crash. Leaving Sousuke standing naked in his living room.

The rain had gotten worse since the cab ride. It came down in sheets, cold and unforgiving, but Haru didn't hide from it. He closed his eyes and lifted his face, letting the water beat down onto him. Soon, he wouldn't be able to feel his legs again. Soon, he wouldn't be able to feel his hands.

He started walking. He didn't know where he was, didn't know how to get home, but walked forward anyway, towards some unknown destination. It was dark, very dark, as he stopped at the corner of a crosswalk, watching traffic go by in the rain. The headlights glared, blinding him, and he shifted from foot to foot.

_It would be so easy… it would be so easy… just two steps._

The cars would have trouble stopping in this much rain. They'd have trouble seeing in this much rain. The light turned and the direction of the traffic changed. It was flying past him, probably too fast for safeties sake. He saw faces in the windows of the cars as they drove in front of him.  _Two steps. Just two steps. It won't hurt anymore._ He stood frozen in place, no longer shivering. Too cold to shiver.

His foot shifted.

He took one step forward.


End file.
